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The current period marks a full decade since the term “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions confirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {